All At Sea Read online

  I don’t know. Maybe I have crossed a line, but I reckon if we gathered a group of random people and asked them what they thought, they would say the same thing, so you are, like, empirically interesting looking.

  But the fact that you make pretty women feel ordinary doesn’t mean you should change you. Those people who feel ordinary are lost, and they need to find what their thing is – the thing that lights them up inside and makes them glow.

  Sometimes it’s because they are bored. They don’t have enough imagination or talent to create something positive, so they hurt someone else.

  But none of those reasons have anything to do with you at all. Do you get what I’m saying?

  I want you to come surfing again, not because you’re proving something to the pusher, whoever that was, but because you did get a buzz out of it. You were grinning like an idiot. If you can find a passion for something, it takes you out of your own head, just for a little while, and you’re living moment to moment, just being, and that’s a good thing on its own, don’t you reckon?

  Even the primal flailing thing, if you think about it, is really living in a way those tourists floating in the pool on their lilos are never going to understand.

  Saturday 18th January 3.48pm

  —near Waikiki Beach, HI—

  It’s been three days in a row now, and I am a little bit sad that I won’t get to see you again.

  The truth is that I really enjoyed your company. You and your remarkableness.

  When I’m holding on to you I can feel your heart rate and I know you are genuinely scared (and the assault was a bit of a give away), but you get in there and you make a joke and grit your teeth, and you get it done. I think you’re interesting, and I reckon I probably have things to learn from you too.

  But if that’s what you’ve decided, I respect that too.

  Can I just say good luck to you, and if you’re ever feeling low, and the waves keep coming, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, just breathe and wait, and let them roll by, because your wave will come along.

  Sunday 19th January 8.13pm

  —Waikiki Yacht Club —

  Hi. Thanks for the nice comments. About my face and features and whatever. I don’t really see myself that way. But it’s nice to know other people might look at me and see something more interesting and remarkable than I see. I look in the mirror and see a surprised owl at best. Mostly, I just see regular Amelia.

  I’m sorry I’ve been hiding out. Putting all of that down was jarring.

  But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom! Even though I haven’t been in the water, I’m happy to report that I’ve been working on my fitness! I started the dancing thing like you suggested and it turned out to be a surprising bit of fun. Last week, I was really plugging away at my “plyometrics.” Doing some real bopping, popping, explosive moves but then I turned around and the cleaning lady, Konani, was standing there. She was staring at me like I was possibly having a seizure and might be in need of medical assistance. She dropped a stack of towels and covered her mouth and started laughing when she saw my earbuds and realized what I was doing. “Oh, you’re dannnncing?” she said. Then she pulled me in front of the mirror and showed me some hula steps. “Ami,” which is the basic hip circle and then variations of it. Talk about strengthening the core, sheesh!

  I know it was only a few hours we spent together and most of the time I was in panic mode but I like to think you’re right about me, too. I AM interesting and could teach you a thing or two about a thing or two. Maybe I could just come down to the beach and watch and say hi at your break or whatever. I like walking at the edge and letting the foam tickle my feet. I could bring you a sack lunch. I know lots of ways to make canned meat interesting. LOL.

  And maybe, since I’ve pretty much spilled my guts and whole life history to you, you could tell me a little more about YOU? All I know so far is that you’re A.) Australian, B.) an extremely fit surf instructor, and C.) have a jerk bestie name Lachlan who likes to regale pub crowds with tales of other people’s misfortune.

  Okay, let me know.

  Wednesday 22nd January 5.16pm

  —Foodland—

  I saw you today. You came up to North Shore? I’m sure it was you. Did you see me waving? I guess we probably all look the same from that distance. Slick seals out there.

  Big waves today. Awesome fun. See you next week for a lesson maybe??

  (Did you see the old dude that walked passed with the big long board? He’s kind of a legend around here. He’s, like, sixty-eight or something.)

  Wednesday 22nd January 5.17pm

  —Chanel Boutique at Ala Moana Shopping Center—

  I didn’t see you, no. Probably would have helped if I looked up from my book from time to time. But for sure, you’re like a colony of seals out there. (Is it a colony or a pod? *Googling.* Pod, herd, or rookery. If they’re breeding...a harem. Ha!)

  But the old guy stands out. I know exactly who you’re talking about. People were genuflecting when he walked by, I swear.

  Friday 31st January 12.05am

  —Blue Volcano Tavern—

  OK I want to try something new. Remember how we did the thing where you put your feet on my feet and I walked you in the water? That was really funny, and we got you all the way up to your waist before you got all fluttery like a trapped sparrow.

  I think we could do something like that with getting your head under.

  It might not make you comfortable, but I reckon we could try it.

  So what if we stood side-on to the wave, and I totally grabbed your noggin and pressed your forehead to my forehead and we just let the wave wash over us, and you have to stand really still. Reckon we could try that?

  It would only be for maybe three seconds. The worst thing that will happen is that you’ll get an ear full of water. I promise.

  Friday 31st January 7.18am

  —Waikiki Yacht Club—

  I can’t picture it as anything other than terrifying but if you think it is something that will work then…agh…okay. (I hoped you weren’t going to mention that walking thing. I felt like a two-year-old. Blah!)

  See you at lesson.

  Friday 31st January 4.03pm

  —Elements Spa & Salon—

  Hey. I know I didn’t say much after our water experiment today, just tried to make a lame joke about my baby steps. But…it was kind of awkward right after. Did you feel awkward after? Maybe it was just me. The poor woman painting my nails right now can’t do her job because my limbs are still shaking from it. Anyhowwwww...I want to let you know I enjoyed myself. After the first couple waves, I mean. After the initial shock of it, it was very pleasant. Even though your hands were snug over my ears, and my heart was pounding, I could hear and feel the water going over us. The muffled rush and roll of it. And you never lost me, told me when to breathe. So thank you. It was nice. I think this officially qualifies as progress and I am really looking forward to Monday’s lesson. What’s next, cowboy?

  Wednesday 5th February 11.57pm

  —Blue Volcano Tavern—

  I’m sorry it’s been a couple days since we talked. I wish Monday’s lesson had gone better. I’m sorry that I seemed distracted. I could see you were frustrated, and I really didn’t mean to make you upset. I wish you hadn’t left like that.

  The thing is that my job here is to teach you how to surf. That’s what you hired me for. That’s what you’re paying me to do. You were just peppering me with questions, but I need to concentrate. Especially with you, because you’re kind of unpredictable.

  I don’t have all of life’s answers. I don’t.

  I didn’t have a bad experience at school. It was all pretty smooth sailing, really. And it was years ago for me, and literally half a world away.

  Yes, I said there is a spiritual element, but you’re not anywhere near there yet.

  I do love surfing, and I love my job, and I have really enjoyed showing you what I know about that, but all I can do is be right there besi
de you, and make you feel safe in the water. I can totally guarantee that you will always be safe in the water with me, but you have to have the guts to stand up. You have to find the balance, and your own centre of gravity. I can’t do that for you.

  I’m just a big, knucklehead surfer dude. OK?

  Thursday 6th February 9.02am

  —Fitness Center at Waikiki Yacht Club , HI—

  I didn’t mean to leave seeming upset. It’s just I felt a bit silly, a lot silly I guess, and embarrassed when you said you’re twenty-two and that you don’t really think about high school ever. I assumed you were around my age, eighteen. Or maybe nineteen. Twenty tops. I don’t know why.

  Also, I’ve read one too many teenage problem novels, apparently. Lol. I hold a sweeping assumption that those years are horrible for most people. Clearly not the case in your situation. I’m glad you had a nice experience in school. Sorry if I came across pesky and made you uncomfortable with all the questions and chatter. I have a tendency to overshare at times when I feel I’ve got someone’s ear. But as you Aussies say: No drama, mate. From now on I’ll be one-hundred percent focused on the task at hand: Standing up and finding my center of gravity. See you at lesson.

  Friday 7th February 3.10pm

  —near Waikiki Beach, HI—

  It’s a shame we didn’t get any proper surfing done today. We depend on the weather. It sucks. Sometimes there’s weeks and weeks where it’s just not rideable. We’ve been lucky so far. But we did paddling and waiting, and as I’ve said, most of surfing is paddling and waiting anyway.

  Maybe another day we could drive around some different beaches and I can show you how to read waves? It takes years of watching to get good at it, but I can give you some pointers. It changes minute by minute and if you’re going to get any good you need to be able to figure out conditions before you even go in.

  There’s this Norwegian guy, Olaf – he works at the surf shop and lives at the backpacker’s, too– he lets me borrow his car sometimes. It’s a piece of shit, but it will do. Soft top VW. It’s fun when it goes.

  Friday 7th February 3.22pm

  —near Waikiki Beach, HI—

  The paddling and waiting was kind of fun, though. My stick arms are getting muscles, I think! And I’d like that, to visit different beaches and learn to read waves. Where I’m from, we kind of do that in a way. It’s not as glamorous because you’re reading the sky and feeling the air and watching your pet’s reactions, wondering if conditions are ripe for a twister. Then, if you’re lucky, the siren will go off and it’s down to the cellar to cower under the steps. Or into the school hallway to crouch in safety position. I’ve seen two from a distance. One had a funnel and everything!

  (A backpacker’s? You mean a hostel? A soft top? You mean a convertible?

  Your Aussie lingo cracks me up. :P )

  Monday 10th February 4.18pm

  —Hang Eleven Surf Shop—

  Lol, turns out you’re good with wind! ;)

  That car is memorable though, isn’t it? You were right. I just asked and Olaf said it wasn’t a standard soft top, it just rusted off! He had to get that roll bar welded on last year. But it’s perfect for boards!

  Monday 10th February 4.43pm

  —Waikiki Yacht Club —

  I had a great time today! The VW is memorable for sure. It has a particular charm. I had no idea that not knowing if you’re going to make it another ten feet could be so thrilling! See you at lesson.

  Monday 10th February 7.56pm

  —North Shore Hostel—

  Tell me the twister thing again.

  I tried to explain it to Lachie when I got back, but I couldn’t explain it how you did.

  Monday 10th February 8.15pm

  —Waikiki Yacht Club —

  First off, it’s super cliché for Kansas City folks/Kansans to drop tornado bomb stories on “outsiders.” I just want to put that out there. I’m embarrassed I even did it. People would roll their eyes and laugh me off the stage back home. I wanted to impress you with something that might seem exotic. LOL. Anyhow, when we were out riding around, I was trying to draw a comparison between a tornado and the perfect wave. I’ve never been directly inside the eye of a tornado but I guess it’s supposed to go quiet and still. Like utterly, eerily silent and miraculous. And if you make it through both sides, the sky clears in an instant and is bright and perfect for one hopeful moment. Until you look around you.

  But most don’t make it out.

  The second wall hits and kablooey. Total wipeout.

  But I’ve seen two from a distance. One was just a huge cloud of dust and debris on the horizon. There are no mountains or hills where I live, so it’s just flat and wide and open. A prairie. You get a good view of things and can see for miles. There was a sheet of green rain and then sparks of lightning from power lines snapping. Everything was getting gobbled up.

  Then the funnel cloud one, like what you probably imagine a classic tornado to be, we were in the car and I was about seven. I only remember seeing it, not what came before or after. Like the snapshots of it in my memory. How it formed and dropped out of the sky like a dark rope. My mom said I kept begging her to pull over so we could watch it. I wanted to be Dorothy. I thought I could go to Oz or something. Lol. She floored it and raced for home, hurried us into the cellar to wait it out. They’re terrifying but beautiful somehow. Like the waves. That’s what I was saying.

  Monday 10th February 8.16pm

  —Waikiki Yacht Club—

  (An Oz reference, too. Doh! In my defense, I was seven. I didn’t know any better!)

  Monday 10th February 8.22pm

  —North Shore Hostel—

  Yeah that’s really cool. I just read it aloud to Lachie.

  So anyway, no disrespect to your family’s empire, but your ‘sack lunches’ suck.

  If it’s OK, tomorrow I want to take you to this burger place in Kahuku. It’s not a date. It’s just they make the perfect chip (we call fries chips) which are crunchy on the outside and soft like fluffy pillows in the middle. I’m pretty sure they actually dig the potatoes out of the ground and then cut them up and fry them. Doesn’t get much fresher than that. I’ve been watching you poking that approximation of beef down your neck. It’s probably been dead for probably about five years. That’s not eating, girl. You need to experience these chips. Not a date. You probably have noodle arms after yesterday anyway. Hot chips. Aussie surf culture. Bonza.

  I’m surprised that being such an international traveller, you haven’t been to Sydney. You should come over one time. It’s a long way, but it’s worth it.

  Anyhow, we’re going to be Kahuku tomorrow anyway. Have a look at some waves maybe.

  If you want to.

  Monday 10th February 8.37pm

  —Café Des Amis—

  You mean Kahuku Grille or The Grass Skirt? We go to lunch a lot, mom and I. She had all the best places spied out before we even got here. The fries are better at Kahuku Grille so you probably mean there. (“Best burger and fries on the island!” so says YELP.) Either way, I’d love to go to not-a-date-lunch with you! I’ll bring a sundress to throw over my suit. Looking forward to it.

  Tuesday 11th February 8.27pm

  —Ocean House Restaurant—

  Another good day. You’re on fire!

  I just wanted to say that I’m still cringing about the crikey thing. I don’t even know why I said it. Only one person in Australia has ever said crikey. I was trying to explain that when you get overseas you start using words you’d only hear coming out the mouth of a blue-singleted trucker at the back of a country pub. (We call them wife-beaters – the blue singlet, I mean). Like drongo and cobber and fair suck of the sav.) And crikey.

  You just looked at me as if I was on drugs and told me about your recent trip to Paris.

  When I got home I asked Lachie if he could think of a better way of explaining what a drongo was, and he went, ‘WTF is a drongo? You mean a bunyip?’ Then Olaf comes to the door an
d goes, ‘Vot der fook iss der bunyip?’ And then we all laughed our arses off for about ten minutes.

  Tuesday 11th February 8.35pm

  —Waikiki Yacht Club—

  I had to Google all of that! Drongo and bunyip! Ha! My immediate thoughts were that you were talking about some bizarre musical instrument or an old lady’s mangled foot. We call tank tops wife-beaters, too. The preferred color in America is white, though, not blue. Lol.

  Okay, so here’s a localism for you. Did you know that there is a town in Missouri where dancing is illegal? Footloose exists just three hours from my house! Also, it is unlawful in Kansas City to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.

  Tuesday 11th February 8.39pm

  —Ocean House Restaurant—

  Yeah, no, that’s a good law. I have been to some of those elephant bars. They can get nasty when they lose their inhibition. They just crap anywhere. It’s a slip-hazard.

  Tuesday 11th February 8.41pm

  —Ocean House Restaurant—

  Crikey!

  Tuesday 11th February 8.46pm

  —Ocean House Restaurant—

  And anyway I’ll see your ‘crikey’ and raise you a ‘giddyup’.

  Cowboy. ;)

  Wednesday 12th February 8.01am

  —Black Blossum Production Studios—

  I know 8am is very late notice and I apologise. I have another thing on over the next couple of days, so I won’t be able to take your lesson, but Lachlan said he will do it.